Fear of Being Alone Forever

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Fear of Being Alone Forever

When you have a fear of being alone forever, you make some dumb decisions. A few years ago, I wrote this blog post (plus a few more) when Empath was releasing. I wanted to share all the things I was afraid of, hoping someone might not feel alone. Two years later, I wrote an update to the post to share my progress (see it at the end of the original post).

Empath is also on sale this week for $0.99!

I am Afraid I’ll be Alone Forever

Originally published May 2015

I rarely go out of my house (even for work) these days, mostly because I don’t want to (see: Campaign for no pants). And with no best friends around here to force me out, I am a happy as a pig in mud. I assume this will change now that I live in Florida, but I wrote this blog post before the move, so there you go.

When I do leave my house for an unscheduled event, I try to remain completely neutral about the entire event, but some part of me can’t help but ask

It’s silly, I know, but being a writer, I’m always imagining different “meet cute” scenarios, and waiting for the time when I’m the subject of said meet cute. I hate myself for it, and it probably contributes to why I have no desire to go out in the world and meet new people. I put pressure on myself and I always end up disappointed when Prince Charming doesn’t appear.

Seriously, I wish I did not feel this way, but I do.

Fears are Terrible

This fear is a dangerous one because it has made me make decisions that are not in my best interest. The Ex comes to mind, mostly. Not only because I stayed with him for two years longer than I should have, but because I stopped seeing him as a person, and started seeing him as a means to an end.

It’s really a horrifying behavior. Seriously, you guys – I thought I was smarter than this.

Now, I’ve gone in the completely opposite way. Whereas before the 1/4 life crisis, I was going out with every Tom, Dick, and Harry that called (or inappropriately messaged me on Tinder), now I simply don’t communicate with anyone.

In fact, the last two “relationships” (if you can call them that) were with people I already knew. Those two aside, I’ve spent the last year avoiding all human contact on the off chance that I would make the wrong decision again. I don’t trust myself to not be a total moron when it comes to love.

Swinging Back and Forth

Just as soon as I make a decision, the Anghenfil begins to whisper in the back of my mind, and loneliness sets in. And then I begin to worry that I’m never going to find someone ever – completely aware at the same time that I have self-sabotaged myself into being alone.

It’s such a strange feeling to be simultaneously afraid of people and also afraid of being without people. I’m caught in limbo between doing things to sate one that trigger the other as I work to let go of both fears.

Slay Your Fears: Two Years Later

At the end of last year, here in Pensacola, I found a new dudebro and–shocker–he wanted a serious relationship. One problem – he loved me, but he didn’t really like me. At least enough to be with me long-term.

Womp-womp.

Being a believer in “everything happens for a reason,” this newest breakup hurt like a sombitch, but it forced me to accept some things. I finally let go of what my life is “supposed” to look like. Y’all, my life is never going to resemble anything “normal,” and that’s cool. It’s normal for me.

And as for being alone: I’ve found happiness rolling solo with my friends and family. I’ve decided it’s probably better than being miserable with an asshole. Being single also doesn’t mean I can’t have kids, which is something I think I still want. Whatever I decide to do, I know it’ll make me happy, and that’s something to celebrate.


Empath

Slay Your Fears with Empath

After a mysterious voice promises an easy out to her problems, Lauren finds herself in a fantasy world with magical powers. Just one problem: There’s a dragon that might want to eat her.

Available Now

From bestselling author S. Usher Evans comes a unique take about a real-world girl transported to a fantasy land and faced with a dragon that just might be the manifestation of her mental illness. Empath has “broken the feels” of readers around the world and helped them slay their own fears. 

“I think we should just cut our losses and move on.”

If you ask Lauren Dailey, things are totally fine after the breakup. She doesn’t care that all her friends are getting engaged and moving on with their lives when all her dreams went up in smoke. She’s not crying herself to sleep every night. Everything is A-OK.

That is, until a mysterious voice promises an easy out to all her problems, and she wakes up in a fantasy world with the powers of an empath.

Without a way home, Lauren embraces her new life. There’s a village full of interesting characters, including Cefin, a handsome young man who’s everything a fantasy hero should be. She’s getting the hang of doing laundry in the river. And when she uses her empath powers, she’s temporarily distracted from the sadness that followed her from California and crops up at the most inconvenient times.

Still, there’s one large, dragon-shaped problem: The Anghenfil lives in the mountains nearby, and some say he’s got a taste for empaths. And Lauren’s afraid it might just be that mysterious voice tempting her deeper into her own darkness.

Empath will transport readers to a new world, while remaining firmly rooted in the realities of dealing with depression, anxiety, and other mental illnesses. Recommended for readers who need help overcoming their own dragons.

This is a stand-alone novel. Content warnings for suicide, substance abuse, and adult situations.


Praise for Empath

★★★★★ “A pint of ice cream for your soul.” – Erin Sky, author of The Wendy

★★★★ “A brilliant allegory” – Elizabeth F., Goodreads Reviewer

★★★★★ “As someone who faces anxiety on a daily basis, this book spoke to me.” – Katrina M., Goodreads Reviewer

★★★★★ “Empath is encouragement to accept your whole self and move forward into great adventure.” – Sierra D., Goodreads Reviewer

Empath Blog Posts and the Slay Your Fears Series

Empath, Passion Projects, and Slaying Your Fears

Two years ago today, I released a little passion project called Empath. Nicknamed the "anxiety dragon" book, Empath was less about "what's popular" and more about pouring my loneliness and ache for home into something else so it would leave me. I'd become overwhelmed with my anxiety, which flares and spirals [...]

Fear of Fear

There's nothing to fear but fear itself, but fear is pretty damned scary. This week, I've been sharing posts from 2015 about the things that scare me, updating them with progress for 2017. For the last post of the week, it's time to talk about the fear of fear. Empath is [...]

Fear of Rejection

A few years ago, I wrote some blogs about my biggest fears to celebrate the release of Empath, a book about a girl and her anxiety dragon. Two years later, I'm looking back on the fears I used to have to see how they stack up. Today, my fear of rejection. [...]

Fear of Being Alone Forever

When you have a fear of being alone forever, you make some dumb decisions. A few years ago, I wrote this blog post (plus a few more) when Empath was releasing. I wanted to share all the things I was afraid of, hoping someone might not feel alone. Two years later, [...]

Fear of (no) Money

To celebrate the two year anniversary of my anxiety dragon book, Empath, I'm re-posting the #SlayYourFears series. Basically, I took a leap of faith and wrote about all the things that scared me. I hoped sharing them would help others realize they weren't alone. Today, I'm talking about my fear of [...]

Empath Release!

About the Book Lauren Dailey is in break-up hell. Stuck between moving on and letting go, she puts on a brave face while crying herself to sleep at night. But when a mysterious voice promises escape from her sadness, she is suddenly transported to a new world. And in this place, [...]

Clean

Even though the relationship ended 20+ months ago, I've still had a hard time moving on. But I had an interesting thought on the metro a few days ago. I was passing by my ex's house, which I so happily have to do every morning on the way to work, and [...]

On First Drafts

Empath is the first "new" first draft that I've written in something like fifteen years. The spirit and character names come from a story I wrote when I was 12, but that story was written by a 12-year-old, and h'obviously needed to be scrapped. The characters as they exist today are strangers [...]

Taming the Dragon

I received a cordial email this week from the guy I broke up with almost sixteen months ago. I had posted on LinkedIn (the only social media that survived the connection-severing spree when we first broke up) that I had started a new company, and amidst the flurry of congratulations from [...]

Manhattan

Forward: To be honest, I wasn't sure that I wanted to post this. Emotionally, mentally, spiritually, I've moved on. But still, I felt like there were some things unsaid that I wanted to say to mark the occasion. So, in the end, I decided to let it fly. One year ago, [...]

By |2017-04-19T10:14:36-05:00May 9th, 2017|Empath|2 Comments

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2 Comments

  1. Kristin Paine Wallin May 11, 2016 at 8:14 am

    Progress is a lovely thing. I’m on the other end in that I did the marriage thing. Right now, I just want to focus on me and the kids. I have multiple jobs that have me around people, but another relationship is the last thing I want.

    • S. Usher Evans May 11, 2016 at 8:21 am

      I think I’d probably feel the same way if I had tiny humans to care for. So I’m considering all the different options there, too.

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